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The Adam Carolla Show

Welcome to the Adam Carolla Podcast! The new home for the rantings and ravings of Adam Carolla, and with Bald Bryan on sound effects. Check it out Adam hangs out with some his pals, like: Larry Miller, David Allen Grier, Dr. Drew Pinksy, Dana Gould, Doug Benson, and many, many more.
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In addition to the latest 20 episodes for FREE you can now dig into the Adam Carolla Archives. Listen to any show going back to the first podcast on February 23, 2009. Pricing guidelines below. Any Mylibsyn subscription plan allows access to the ENTIRE back catalog. Get it on with some classic Carolla.
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May 19, 2010

After a quick plug for our sponsors over at audible.com, Adam compliments Teresa on her late 60s swingin look today. She’s wearing Daisy Dukes, which reminds her of the news that actress Catherine Bach’s husband recently committed suicide. It reminds Adam of a different story; when Donny approached Catherine at a party to pull a piece of lint off her sweater. He thought maybe they’d start a conversation, but she gave him a ‘what the fuck’ look and turned back around. Talking more about drinking and hogging, Teresa mentions that she likes how Bret Michaels will have sex with just about anyone. Adam explains that while some guys are wired to be attracted to attractive women only, ‘some guys are wired to have sex like they do in the animal kingdom. Like a wildebeest.’ It’s a ‘Pussy First’ mentality, and not important if the woman is attractive, it’s just a matter of ‘who got laid last night? Smell of hands.’ Unfortunately, Adam’s pilot did not get picked up. He says, ‘I now realize there are one or two at the top that are shoo-ins, one or two on the bottom that are dead on arrival, and then there’s like five or six in the middle and I never really thought about the middle part […] That’s where you get burned.’ He goes on to explain (summarized) ‘When I heard that news, I thought good. You can all look forward to a show. Not the Adam Carolla Podcast, but the Adam Carolla Show. We’re going whole hog.’ He also reminds everyone to purchase tickets for the next live show at the El Portel in North Hollywood on June 12th. Teresa mentions the first news story: Charlie Sheen may wind up behind bars for 45 days for his attack against his wife Brooke. Now the attorney’s want to know: can Charlie smoke in prison? Adam says we should put him with the lifers, since second hand smoke kills and they’re on the way out anyway. He also goes on a rant about the ridiculousness of having a bruise on the upper arm considered abuse. Jake Pavelka, of Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars fame, enters the recording studio. After discussing the thrills of dancing in his underwear, Jake also mentions that he is a jet flight instructor. Teresa says she would love to learn how to fly, but Jake compares his job to being a lifeguard. You watch the planes and help out if things go wrong. They talk more about flying and how all the airlines are overregulated. Adam thinks it’s amazing that he can’t bring an unopened Coke can onto the plane, but a huge heavy steel tripod gets by no problem. Teresa says if she had her baby and her bottle, she could not go through with the bottle. Adam wonders, ‘the terrorists have won, right?’ Teresa asks Jake about his romantic life, and he goes on to explain how his heart was broken on The Bachelorette. Adam says ‘I remember liking you because you were a pilot, and you were clean,’ which according to Teresa is why they brought him back for The Bachelor. Jake responds, ‘I thought it was because I cry all the time.’ Adam goes on to suggest that ‘Women don’t want a cry baby, but they don’t want a man who never cries either […] Crying is like the Derringer in the boot.’ After wrapping The Bachelor, Jake says his status with Vienna is going great. They’re looking for wedding dates, and both of their careers are in full swing. The plan is to bounce back and forth between their house in Dallas and their apartment in LA, but Adam also wants to know if he’s been approached for any bootlegged porn opportunities. Jake jokes that actually Larry Flynt left him a message. You can follow Jake on Twitter at: Jakepavelka1, or check out his Facebook page (the one with him in his pilot uniform). Teresa can be heard more on The Parent Experiment, or at exploitingmybaby.com. Bryan is on The Film Vault, and his Twitter is baldbryan. Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Logan Moy Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 18, 2010

Adam welcomes Jay Louis, author of Hot Chicks with Douchebags and creator of the website hotchickswithdouchebags.com. It’s a topic Adam says he has long been obsessed with, and the guys immediately jump into the false claims of women wanting a guy with a sense of humor. Looking at various pictures, they define the douchebag look as ‘I am fucking stupid and wildly confident at the same time.’ Adam wants to know: ‘How did you get so confident when you are so fucking stupid?’ Other telltale signs include barb wire tattoos, or Chinese letter tattoos on the neck. Adam and Jay compare the situation to the war on drugs. The douches are the drugs, chicks are the consumer, and the tattoo is the drug mule. No wall is too high to stop people from getting what they want, and it’s not the tattoo shops that need to be closed down, it’s the women blowing the dudes with the tattoos. Adam wants to know, ‘Where are these guys’ friends?’ He relates a story of wanting to emulate someone he saw wearing black cowboy boots. Adam went out and bought them, but before they could even step outside, his buddy Ray put him in his place and told him not to go out looking like that. A caller wants to know how Jay deals with these idiots all the time. Jay says, ‘Smart people have an obligation to mock stupid people […] It’s easy because I see it as a civic duty.’ They go on to describe another type of douchebag that Adam considers even worse: The artsy hipster douchebag. At least the Jersey Shore douches work out and have good biceps. Hipsterbags, with their vintage clothing and their pouting all the time, aren’t even trying. Adam says that their ‘douchenite’ (a la Kryptonite) is their Senior Picture. ‘If we saw what you looked like in high school, there’s no way you’d be trying to pull off this fuckin look now.’ He knew a guy who, after graduation, turned into Gary Oldman from Dracula. When he saw him at an industry gathering, the Gothbag avoided him at all costs. Jay also remarks that it’s a metamorphosis, and that ‘you don’t get laid unless you pick one of these six ‘bag’ identities.’ Jay says we need to have ‘douche-terventions’ where we set the girls down and explain what’s up.’ Adam asks, ‘What about the women who sit back idly and watch their girlfriends date douchebags? Where’s your voice? This is what happened in Germany in the later 30s.’ A caller asks Adam about his Top Gear pilot, which transitions into Jay talking about the frustrations of having his own pilot picked up. He says ‘VH1 knows what they did,’ and goes on to explain how after he chose to go with MTV to produce his show, before the show could get to air, VH1 ripped it off, making his own show look like the rip off. Agreeing with the aggravation, Adam points out ‘part of it is how good is your show; part of it is how good is your timing.’ Adam encourages Jay to keep the good fight going, and from one non-douche to another thanks him for his time. Be sure to purchase Jay’s book, or visit the website: hotchickswithdouchebags.com Produced: Donny Misraje Audio Board: Chris Laxamana Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Logan Moy Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 17, 2010

Michael Jai White, writer and star of Black Dynamite, visits Adam’s studio today. His film is an homage to 70s Blaxploitation movies, so the guys immediately begin discussing 70s stereotypes and cheesy movie tricks. Adam recalls scenes from The Six Million Dollar Man and says, ‘I shoulda known I was gonna be a comedian when I started complaining about this shit at age 10.’ Michael reveals that for some of the car stunts in his film, they actually took stock footage from Sony pilots that never aired. Eventually Sony bought the movie back, but Michael jokes it’s probably get the rights to their stock footage back. Adam reveals his idea for The Pilot Network. ‘Wouldn’t it be fun to watch everyone’s shitty pilot? […] The networks already spent the money on the show.’ After speaking more about the success of Black Dynamite, both locally and overseas, Adam asks him about Kentucky Fried Movie. He remembers watching it with Donny on VHS over and over again, and they share laughs about their favorite clips from the film. Michael loves ‘Fistful of Yen,’ Adam loves ‘Cleopatra Schwartz.’ Since Michael is now beginning to direct, Adam says ‘You’re gonna be the funny Tyler Perry.’ Adam says he saw Diary Of A Mad Black Woman and thought it was not even good enough for a TV movie. Michael also compares it to a black soap opera, but since he has worked with him, he says Tyler Perry works his ass off. Adam suggests ‘he should take his time and just work on one funny script.’ A caller from Wilmington, North Carolina reminds Adam of the time he was filming Dawson’s Creek while simultaneously working on Love Line. He was absolutely exhausted, and the person who called in was the person who actually had to keep waking him up to drag him to set. Michael says there must be something strange about Wilmington. Steve Buscemi was stabbed there once during a fight, Michael’s entire crew was jumped, and even he got into a fight which he hadn’t done in a long time. Adam remarks that part of the beauty of Black Dynamite is that Michael is unrecognizable in his performance. Michael is glad for this because it allows him to act dramatically in other films without it being distracting. They talk a little bit about the brilliance of Leslie Nielson, who delivered ridiculous lines in his completely self-serious tone. Other comedic inspirations for Michael include John Cleese, Peter Sellers, and early Steve Martin. The last portion of the podcast is dedicated to Michael explaining his rough upbringing, and how he eventually broke into Hollywood. Growing up in Brooklyn, he had to be a ‘closeted Monty Python fan.’ He was a tough guy who got into a lot of fights and grew up fast. Eventually a motivational speaker came to his high school and convinced him to go to college. Even to this day, he goes around returning the favor by being a motivational speaker and teacher himself. Adam relates to having a fractured family, and they go on to speak about the irresponsibility of absentee fathers. Adam asks why people turned on Bill Cosby when he told people to pick up their pants and start raising their kids right. Michael says that as long as some people actually listened and changed, it was worth it even if there was a bit of backlash. To wrap up the convo, Adam offers to hold the focus pads for Michael since he’s a martial arts expert. Also be sure to see Why Did I Get Married Too (now in theaters), and purchase Black Dynamite, now on Bluray and DVD. Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Katie Levine Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 14, 2010

Rob Hubel and Paul Scheer, best known for their work on Human Giant and Funny or Die, return to the show. Last time they were on they discussed whether or not they thought Michael Jackson was gay, and then a day later he died. They also talk about other celebrities and their sex scandals, and of course they mention Tiger Woods. Apparently one of the ladies that came forward is a stripper who now dances wherever Tiger is playing to capitalize on her fame. Rob and Paul think that in order to make golf more exciting, they should infuse MMA. They imagine a miniature-golf style game where Kimbo Slice stands on the green trying to block the ball and you have to fight your way out of that hole. Adam says ‘you know you have a boring sport when comedians and couch potatoes are making suggestions to make it better. No one says that about hockey and football.’ Speaking of adrenaline packed sports, Paul explains that he recently saw bullfighting at the Garden. He describes it as ‘Two hours of crazy, crazy, crazy action,’ but Adam points out that the ‘Danger-to-Pussy ratio’ for rodeo clowns is pretty awful. They propose rather than fighting world wars, we should just have a ‘Running of the ____’ where you fill in the blank with whatever group you need to hash things out with. Adam recalls a story of entering a pie eating contest. He explains that he was poor and hungry so he signed up senior year for an eating competition. He didn’t actually participate in the contest, instead he just waited for everyone to finish eating, then he tried to take his full pie, grab a glass of milk, and enjoy it at a leisurely pace. Of course the teacher screamed and yelled at him for it. The guys wonder how the people who participate in an actual eating contest, and how it affects your body. How do you train for that? Paul answers by asking ‘how does a girl train for a gangbang?’ After much discussion about the intricacies of the rules, Adam declares ‘We’re all super intelligent, highly educated individuals, and yet, we have no answers. Do you have to bust a nut? Can you get a blowjob? Can a guy double up and come back twice? What about the gorilla masks? The point is this: we don’t know. Gentlemen, the reason we’re having this conversation is the reason we need a sanctioning body.’ After taking a couple phone calls, they begin talking about how all the major comedians they know are nice guys. Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Ben Stiller… they say all of these guys were self-deprecating, and so they know what it’s like to be a normal person. Someone like Justin Bieber has girls trampling all over each other just to be with him. ‘How can you be humble?’ Adam points out that usually it’s the entourage surrounding the star that is worse. He tells another quick story about doing work on Katey Sagal’s house and having her assistants blow everything out of proportion. They compare the situation to Kim Jong Il, who is surrounded by people commending his every move. They wonder what sort of grizzly things Kim Jong-Il’s slaves must do for him, and Adam wagers you can tell the state of a country and how evil its dictator is based on how many posters they have of their leader up. Since at the top of the show they determined they are partially responsible for Michael Jackson’s death by talking about him, Adam wonders which star they talked about today might get burned. If Bieber gets killed by a bull or dies in a bukkake incident they’ll feel very guilty. Eventually they start questioning whether or not Richard Dawson is alive or dead. He’s still alive, but Adam says he could be next. Keep your eyes peeled for Paul Scheer on The League, coming back this fall to FX. Rob Huebel will be on Childrens’ Hospital on Adult Swim this summer and Funny or Die Presents on HBO. And reach either of them via Twitter: @PaulScheer and @RobHuebel.

May 13, 2010

Meghan Daum is the author of ‘Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived In That House,’ a new memoir about real estate addiction and her struggles to find her dream home. She and Adam were first acquainted several years ago, after she wrote what Adam considers to be the nicest opinion piece anyone has ever written about him. Later she will read the column, as she brought it with her. Both Meghan and Adam are self-proclaimed Houseaholics. Adam tells a story about potentially trying to by Madonna’s old house, even though he knew the price was way out of his price range. He walked around the place, trying to figure out how to get $7 million and how he could stall to make sure he’d get the property. Eventually he realized just how wildly expensive it was, and truthfully he wasn’t even going to live there. The idea was just to get it, rent it, and get half the mortgage back. Meghan’s husband works for the LA Times, which she says is ‘bankrupt, but chugging along.’ Adam wants to know if it’s going to be like the Hollywood sign, or if as a society we’ll just let it die out. Meghan corrects Adam saying the Hollywood sign itself has never had a problem, but Adam clarifies and says they were gonna build houses around it, which people were not happy about. The situation reminds him of the Beachwood Canyon area, where people wanted to build a curb and fountain leading up to the corner store. It was a huge controversy, but Adam doesn’t understand why we give a shit about these things when nothing ever happens. After explaining his desire to constantly fix things, Adam tells the story of his grandfather’s grand piano, which at one point had roofing tar dripped on the side. The piano ended up at his sister’s house, and after still seeing the tar dried on the side, Adam took a hair dryer and butter knife and finally scraped it off. He points out that it’d been on there for 50 years, and it took him 4.5 minutes to fix. Meghan goes into more detail about her housing pet peeves, more specifically bad flooring. Adam invites her to his house to look at his floors, and Meghan jokes she’s already camped outside his front yard. Adam says that in general if you want something done correctly, you need to ask questions. He compares the situation to wanting a leather punching bag with a water bladder inside. Apparently they don’t make those, but Adam was able to make his own custom designed one by taking pieces from two separate bags. Before Meghan reads back the opinion piece she wrote on him, Adam says he never reads. He explains, ‘Not reading other people’s ideas has freed me up to create my own ideas […] I feel like their ideas pollute my ideas, I don’t wanna know what they’re thinking.’ Meghan reads the article, which bills Adam as an American genius. They also talk more about remodeling houses and designing them in a way that doesn’t make them look totally trendy for a brief moment. They go into a side conversation about politics and lying. Wrapping up the show, Adam reminds Meghan to come by the house and see the floors, and Meghan is understandably thrilled to check them out. Be sure to purchase her new book, ‘Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived In That House.’ Audio Board- Katie Levine Build and Edit- Logan Moy Search computer- Chris Laxamana Produced- Donny Misraje

May 12, 2010

Bald Bryan is stepping in for Teresa to handle the news today. But before they jump into the first story, Bryan relays a story about how in order to be up to code for a building inspection later in the day, his absentee landlord had painters arrive at 7 in the morning. In their hurry to get the job done, the paint dried, thus sealing all of Bryan’s windows shut. They were back at 7:03 pounding on the door with a chisel to loosen to the paint but Bryan screamed at them to come back later in the morning. Adam says ‘you have to realize that especially in LA, painters don’t really have to know their business.’ Bryan says, ‘You think I was barking those orders in English?’ Jumping into the news, the Maxim Hot 100 is out now, and topping the list is pop star Katy Perry. Adam says, ‘Katy Perry has a nice body and a face that’s fine, but not model fine. [She’s] good from certain angles.’ This reminds Adam of the Proactive commercial she is a part of, as was his Dancing with the Stars partner Julianne Hough. Adam says that all of those acne commercials need to give us a heads up before the ‘before’ shot because it’s disgusting. Rounding out the top 3 is Brooklyn Decker at #2, and Zoe Saldana at #3. Adam disagrees with this one: ‘She’s too blue, and too skinny. Like my balls.’ Scarlett Johansson is also on the list, reminding them of Iron Man 2. Adam likes that Robert Downey has brought some humanity to the action movie, ‘but they kinda did what they do in all sequels, which is if one iron man is good, then a thousand would be better.’ He goes on to say (summarized): ‘It’s the same mistake that teenage boys make with fucking. Which is, ‘faster, harder, she’s gonna love it!’ Chicks don’t like it… what I’m saying is a little more foreplay, be secure, let it breathe a little bit.’ Other people on the Hot 100 list include Jordana Brewster from Fast and Furious, and Anna Paquin of True Blood. Adam says ‘Anna Paquin started off as a fine specimen, but as an adult, somehow the pieces didn’t come together.’ They also decide (summarized) ‘if you have an A cup and a skinny ass, you can’t be hot. There needs to be some basic criteria, just like there is for guys.’ Bryan says Playboy readers will get a 3D centerfold in the June edition, to which Adam asks ‘they are jumping the shark now, right?’ They also discuss the NASCAR Hall of Fame opening in Charlotte, the 50th Anniversary of ‘The Pill’, and the recent appointment of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court. Adam says ‘she looks like she was beat with a menorah.’ The Weez steps in to play a round of ‘Blah Blah Blog,’ where the guys try to see if they can guess the celebrity who wrote the blog based on their inane ramblings. Bryan dominates 4 for 4, though Donny beats Adam by one in the final round. To wrap up the show, Adam takes a call from a listener ensuring everyone that the podcast will continue even if his pilot’s picked up, and a second caller asks Adam his opinion of Jack Black. Adam and Bryan compare him to Alec Baldwin, saying that both men are more comfortable in supporting roles. Ultimately Adam concludes that ‘Jack Black is not a comedian, he’s a talent. He does a lot of interesting things, makes a lot of interesting choices. But I see him more as a personality.’ Be sure to check out Bryan’s new podcast, ‘The Film Vault,’ now available on iTunes as part of the Ace Broadcasting Network.

May 12, 2010

Bald Bryan is stepping in for Teresa to handle the news today. But before they jump into the first story, Bryan relays a story about how in order to be up to code for a building inspection later in the day, his absentee landlord had painters arrive at 7 in the morning. In their hurry to get the job done, the paint dried, thus sealing all of Bryan’s windows shut. They were back at 7:03 pounding on the door with a chisel to loosen to the paint but Bryan screamed at them to come back later in the morning. Adam says ‘you have to realize that especially in LA, painters don’t really have to know their business.’ Bryan says, ‘You think I was barking those orders in English?’ Jumping into the news, the Maxim Hot 100 is out now, and topping the list is pop star Katy Perry. Adam says, ‘Katy Perry has a nice body and a face that’s fine, but not model fine. [She’s] good from certain angles.’ This reminds Adam of the Proactive commercial she is a part of, as was his Dancing with the Stars partner Julianne Hough. Adam says that all of those acne commercials need to give us a heads up before the ‘before’ shot because it’s disgusting. Rounding out the top 3 is Brooklyn Decker at #2, and Zoe Saldana at #3. Adam disagrees with this one: ‘She’s too blue, and too skinny. Like my balls.’ Scarlett Johansson is also on the list, reminding them of Iron Man 2. Adam likes that Robert Downey has brought some humanity to the action movie, ‘but they kinda did what they do in all sequels, which is if one iron man is good, then a thousand would be better.’ He goes on to say (summarized): ‘It’s the same mistake that teenage boys make with fucking. Which is, ‘faster, harder, she’s gonna love it!’ Chicks don’t like it… what I’m saying is a little more foreplay, be secure, let it breathe a little bit.’ Other people on the Hot 100 list include Jordana Brewster from Fast and Furious, and Anna Paquin of True Blood. Adam says ‘Anna Paquin started off as a fine specimen, but as an adult, somehow the pieces didn’t come together.’ They also decide (summarized) ‘if you have an A cup and a skinny ass, you can’t be hot. There needs to be some basic criteria, just like there is for guys.’ Bryan says Playboy readers will get a 3D centerfold in the June edition, to which Adam asks ‘they are jumping the shark now, right?’ They also discuss the NASCAR Hall of Fame opening in Charlotte, the 50th Anniversary of ‘The Pill’, and the recent appointment of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court. Adam says ‘she looks like she was beat with a menorah.’ The Weez steps in to play a round of ‘Blah Blah Blog,’ where the guys try to see if they can guess the celebrity who wrote the blog based on their inane ramblings. Bryan dominates 4 for 4, though Donny beats Adam by one in the final round. To wrap up the show, Adam takes a call from a listener ensuring everyone that the podcast will continue even if his pilot’s picked up, and a second caller asks Adam his opinion of Jack Black. Adam and Bryan compare him to Alec Baldwin, saying that both men are more comfortable in supporting roles. Ultimately Adam concludes that ‘Jack Black is not a comedian, he’s a talent. He does a lot of interesting things, makes a lot of interesting choices. But I see him more as a personality.’ Be sure to check out Bryan’s new podcast, ‘The Film Vault,’ now available on iTunes as part of the Ace Broadcasting Network.

May 11, 2010

Adam welcomes Brian Brushwood and Justin Robert Young of ‘NSFW’ to the show. You can check out their podcast every Tuesday at 7pm, or just subscribe in the iTunes store. Brian and Justin are friends with tech-wiz and former Carolla guest Leo Laporte, who helped them take elements from the successful video series Scam School, and convert the material into a podcast. Brian is also the author of ‘Cheats, Cons, Swindles & Tricks: 57 Ways to Scam a Free Drink.’ Adam asks what’s the easiest way to get a free drink. Brian’s response: ‘Have tits.’ Since Brian is also an experienced magician, Adam asks him if people just laugh at David Copperfield, or if he’s really a good magician. Brian says he’s very good, and it reminds Adam of a Japanese magician he saw in Vegas who never said a word during his act. He just performed his tricks, and after each one he’d have a grin on his face which Adam compares to whipping out the biggest cock in the world. ‘Magicians are not a smug breed, so when you see them being smug, it really throws you.’ Brian and Justin start talking about Copperfield’s recent sexual assault case. He owns a private island called Musha Cay Island, and basically the claims were that he lured Lacey Carrol to the island with promises of modeling and acting, but instead sexually assaulted her and wouldn’t let her leave the island for three days. Later the case was dropped after she was brought in on charges of prostitution and false accusations of rape for a separate case. To this, Adam has a message for all hot girls: ‘Whether your plan is to head back to Phil Specter’s place or Copperfield’s island […] if you’re hot, it’s understood that we want to fuck you. We didn’t ask your fat friend if she wanted a first class ticket.’ Continuing the discussion of sexual predators, Adam talks about his favorite parts of watching the television series ‘To Catch a Predator.’ Mostly he loves when they read the internet transcripts back, or when they tell the predator he’s allowed to go only before he gets tackled by local police. Adam says if he was ever in this situation, he would send a pizza guy in 5 minutes earlier, just so he can see the door open and check for camera crews. He says, ‘worst case scenario, you have a pizza waiting for you.’ Talking more about law enforcement and what makes people conform and obey, Brian describes the Milgrim Experiment, where people were told to administer electric shocks to a patient answering questions. Even though they weren’t actually shocking the person, they found that over 90% of people would continue ‘shocking’ the patient, even when the actor playing him was screaming for them to stop. This sets Adam off on a humungous rant against anyone who’s been deputized and acts like a dick under the guise of power. As Adam wraps up the show, he asks guest Justin Robert Young if he’s ever been referred to as Robert Young, aka television character Marcus Welby M.D. Justin has never once in his entire life heard this reference, and Adam jokes ‘Why do I have to point this out to you? This is your name! Don’t you have an uncle who recognizes the name? […] Maybe this is your grandfather!’ Adam reminds everyone to check out the NSFW podcast, and also check out Adam’s upcoming live shows in San Francisco (May 20th), and Seattle (May 21st & 22nd). To reach Brian and Justin together: http://www.TwiT.tv/NSFW For Brian: http://www.ScamSchool.tv For Justin: http://www.WeirdThings.com

May 10, 2010

Documentarian/Writer/Director Alex Gibney, known for projects like Enron: Smartest Guys in the Room and Taxi to the Darkside, sits with Adam to discuss his upcoming episode of the ESPN series 30 for 30. The episode will be titled ‘Catching Hell,’ and focuses on the fury of sports fans in two infamous moments. During the World Series, Cubs fan Steve Bartman caught a foul ball just as left fielder Moises Alou was reaching to grab it. Moments later the whole stadium started calling him an asshole, and eventually he had to be escorted out of the stadium. When Bill Buckner let a ball run under his glove and between his legs in the 1986 World Series, the fans were equally distraught. Adam says ‘This is your celebrity, you’re the Octomom of professional baseball.’ Alex jokes that after losing the 86 series, he needed psychiatric help. Adam wonders, ‘What is it about baseball that fosters that [type of reaction]? Football fans aren’t that way […] they don’t have the memory and lament.’ Alex surmises that perhaps it’s because baseball is a ‘game of the imagination’. Adam says he was a big Rams fan growing up, but ‘so what if they lost to the Pats in the Superbowl? Why should I let that ruin my weekend?’ Alex’s current documentary deals with the Jack Abramoff scandal, who Alex describes as a ‘super lobbyist’. He explains that as long as Congressmen are dialing for dollars and hosting fund raisers, they are vulnerable to the people who have money. The film shows some of the outrageous stunts Abramoff used to move money around. By the end, ‘you should be pissed off because you realize that our country is being taken away from us.’ Adam wants to know why Obama hasn’t called bullshit on this. He figured you wouldn’t hear either of the Bush’s saying anything about it, ‘but I thought Obama was one of us.’ Alex points out that Obama took a small amount of money but Adam says anyone that gives you money is going to eventually want something, and we gotta have limits on the spending. Adam wants a system where there is no political advertising. If you want to learn about the candidates, go to the library. That way only the initiated will vote. Alex says there are 20 countries that already do this in Europe, and Adam says we should go around and steal other countries’ best ideas. Like the waterless toilets in Japanese subways, ‘why don’t we do that!?’ Bringing the discussion back to Abramoff, Alex says that he made $30 million just from one Indian casino client alone. Adam and Alex agree that vices like gambling should be legalized and taxed instead of spending money to put them out of business. Adam says the lottery is the ‘most retarded form of gambling on the planet,’ and thinks it’s insane that it’s legal to play but you can’t bet on a football game. Regarding the current financial crisis, Adam asks ‘Can we really blame financial companies for trying to make money any way they can?’ Alex says, ‘If you have a system where the government is being bought off, then you have a serious problem because they’re not paying attention.’ Adam suggests ‘instead of focusing our ire on those people, how bout we use this opportunity to say ‘what happened here?’’ To learn more, be sure to check out Alex’s documentary, Casino Jack and the United States of Money. Now playing in a theater near you.

May 7, 2010

Adam welcomes Shawn Hatosy to the show, also known as Detective Sammy Bryant from the hit TV show Southland. Just hearing the name of the show, Adam is reminded of a recent "Diversity Conference Call" he had to sit through pertaining to his new NBC pilot. Adam referred to the woman on the call as Cinco de Maya Angelou, and she was yelling at everyone to be more respectful of Hispanic culture. At one point she recalled that every Mexican on the show Southland was a Mexican gangbanger. Adam points out to Shawn, "You had a Hispanic partner [on the show], but you named him Nate instead of Jaime, and you fuckin’ dropped the ball. You fucked up royally." Shawn asks Adam if he also had to deal with a sexual harassment meeting, and Adam said he refused to attend one. He doesn’t understand why you have to go to this type of meeting if you have no previous offenses. It’s like sending someone to rehab even though they’ve never taken a sip of alcohol. If he decided to hire someone like NFL quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who has a reputation for being inappropriate with women, then he could understand. Continuing the rant against corporate BS, Adam recalls how he just got done doing a special for Dancing with the Stars. He had a joke about Niecy Nash, the full figured dancer on the show who constantly ends each dance with "I’m doin’ it for all the thick ladies!" Adam was forced to do two versions of the joke: "Listen I did Dancing with the Stars, and every time I finished a dance I didn’t announce that I was doin’ it for all the Italians that were mistaken for Jews." Surprisingly, the network chose that version instead of his alternative punch line "Chad Ochocinco doesn’t say, ‘I’m doing it for all the crazy people who’ve named themselves after Mexican numbers." Adam realizes he’s been ranting for half an hour, and wants to know Shawn’s story. Shawn says that he was into sports, but became interested in performing in musicals and other community theater. He grew up in Maryland, and Adam recalls the time he and Dr. Drew drove through town on their way to DC and came across the city Chevy Chase, Maryland. Adam has no idea what the connection is to the actor, and neither does Shawn. Shawn explains that he got cast in a few productions locally, and he was able to create a reel and head to NY. By the time he was 19, he was already working pretty much full time. The guys immediately begin discussing the art of auditioning, and how it’s very different than actually performing. There are great auditioners out there like Jeremy Piven or David Koechner, and they don’t get why those people even need to audition anymore. It reminds Adam of the difficulties in casting Amy Landecker for two scenes as his ex-wife in his new pilot. She had previously been in A Serious Man, so Adam said "good enough for The Coen Brothers, good enough to play a bit part in my sitcom." Networks still said not so fast, though eventually she got the part. He compares the audition process to a pyramid, where you have to go through many layers to get to the top. The on-screen camera tests are particularly nightmarish, and even if you make it to the network table read, you can still get fired. Adam says, "If you wanted to know when you were playing high school ball how many people actually make it to the NFL, you’d never put your cleats on." Adam says we’re plum out of time, but be sure to check out Southland on TNT. Shawn also tells people to visit the show’s Facebook page and sign the petition to get a third season ordered.

May 6, 2010

Adam welcomes Jukka and Jarppi from the new MTV television series, The Dudesons in America. The show is essentially Finland’s version of Jackass and the show is even produced by Jackass star Johnny Knoxville. Adam can’t help but notice that Jarppi is wearing a back brace. In fact, he broke his back doing one of the series first stunts and has been in the brace ever since. In discussing the type of stunts The Dudesons do, they all conclude that it’s really about coming up with more creative ideas, and not so much bigger is better. Adam wants to know more about Finnish culture, specifically their laws on censorship and various customs. It seems that it is more or less anything goes in Finland, and the signature dish is Reindeer meat. Adam asks, You drink Rudolph’s blood!? The guys also say that Bear meat is a common dish, often served with mashed potatoes and blood for gravy. Adam loves the stunts that are diabolically simple, but also wants to know if they have any major stunts planned the way that Evel Kenevil said he would jump over the Grand Canyon. Jukka and Jarppi say the one stunt they really want to pull off is having a guy wear a condom on his head and stick it up an elephant’s ass. They have yet to find the elephant willing to sign the release form. Off the air, Adam was discussing how rally car racing is extremely popular in Europe but has yet to catch on here in the States. Adam thinks it’s crazy how people line the paths of the raceway, and cars are flying everywhere while people are just sitting around drinking beers. Adam also mentions Travis Pastrana, who jumps out of airplanes without parachutes. He says someone is going to get killed eventually when that happens, will someone finally put their foot down? Jarppi says that even though they’ve had 5 hospital visits after only 8 episodes, their show is a balance of the big stunts, and also the smaller, more creative ones that they really love. Adam is reminded of the pranks he and Jimmy Kimmel had to come up with for their Wheel of Destiny bit on The Man Show. The idea was that an audience member would spin the wheel, and they needed cruel things to inflict on people that could also be television friendly. His personal favorite was Adam pees on your wallet. Sure enough, someone landed on that space, and they immediately took his wallet out and placed it in a urinal onstage. Adam peed all over it, grabbed it by tongs and returned it. Adam is also curious about Finland’s relationship with Russia and other surrounding countries. They talk about languages and piracy, most notably how before their DVDs are released in Finland, they are already available for download in some countries. Adam remarks that it’s scary you can buy just about anything from Russia, including military supplies. All the military talk reminds Adam of a great stunt accessory that anyone has yet to use: the air cannons that are used to shoot birds into jet engines. Adam shows them videos of how these cannons work, and as they wrap up the show, Adam has the ultimate Jackass prank: build a time machine and bang your friend’s mom. Jukka says he would love to do that with Jarppi’s hot mom, and Adam says The Dudesons have been nothing less than a delight. Be sure to check out their new series, The Dudesons in America, premiering tonight (Thursday) at 10 on MTV.

May 5, 2010

Teresa Strasser and Bald Bryan join the show to give an update on Bryan’s condition, and also for some News. Bald Bryan announces he’s just celebrated his one-year anniversary of his official diagnosis. The doctor is extremely pleased with the results, the brain tumor has shown no growth. Teresa jumps into the news, but Adam is wearing glasses!? Adam explains the first time he realized he needed them was when he was sitting in a dark restaurant with Eric Stromer of Top Gear. "Whenever I read I need to put on glasses, but the jokes on my eyes. I don’t read! Haha, take that brain!" Adam also recalls later that same night, Eric began choking on food. Adam basically did nothing but watch. Even Eric remarked "wow, you just stared at me while I was choking." The first major news story is Seth MacFarlane comparing the new Arizona immigration law to Nazi Germany. Adam says [summarized]: We have a rule, if you want to come into this country, there are the hurdles you need to hop over if you decide to hop the fence instead of the hurdles, then we have a right to ask you if you have the paperwork. We’re not gonna put you in an oven, we’re not gonna beat the shit out of you, we’re just gonna transport you back. What’s the problem with that? Teresa also talks about Sandra Bullock adopting a baby, surprised that she was able to keep it a secret for so long during the Oscars and the Jessie James scandal. They also talk about the hot-button topic of interracial adoption, but Adam says, "let’s leave the race alone for a while. She’s donated a lot, she wants to adopt a child, shut the fuck up. Don’t we have bigger problems than this?" After a round of Totally Topical TiVo Trivia, the gang discusses the David Boreanaz cheating scandal. Ultimately Adam concludes that a woman will never forgive you for it, you just have to move on. Evan and Gregg Spiridellis of JibJab.com enter the studio. Adam finds out how they went from their beginnings making viral videos like This Land is Your Land to becoming an internet sensation. They say they got their beginnings sending videos to friends, and ultimately benefitted by expanding their business to items like eCards. The whole group gets into a discussion about Twitter, and how perhaps Tweeting too much can take the sheen off your rock star status. Adam says that he doesn’t need to know that Nikki Sixx is having the same problems killing moths as he does. Another news story involves Lindsay Lohan playing porn star Linda Lovelace in the upcoming biopic. Adam jokes that Geraldo Rivera will be playing Harry Reems. Teresa also mentions the recent drug troubles that Michael Douglas’ son has been going through, and a final news story about obese children being teased by their peers. To wrap up, Evan and Gregg explain a brand new series of JibJab e-cards related to Star Wars, where you can upload photos and cast yourself as a character for two-minute funny retellings of the movie. Adam thanks our sponsor again, and signs off.

May 5, 2010

Teresa Strasser and Bald Bryan join the show to give an update on Bryan’s condition, and also for some News. Bald Bryan announces he’s just celebrated his one-year anniversary of his official diagnosis. The doctor is extremely pleased with the results, the brain tumor has shown no growth. Teresa jumps into the news, but Adam is wearing glasses!? Adam explains the first time he realized he needed them was when he was sitting in a dark restaurant with Eric Stromer of Top Gear. "Whenever I read I need to put on glasses, but the jokes on my eyes. I don’t read! Haha, take that brain!" Adam also recalls later that same night, Eric began choking on food. Adam basically did nothing but watch. Even Eric remarked "wow, you just stared at me while I was choking." The first major news story is Seth MacFarlane comparing the new Arizona immigration law to Nazi Germany. Adam says [summarized]: We have a rule, if you want to come into this country, there are the hurdles you need to hop over if you decide to hop the fence instead of the hurdles, then we have a right to ask you if you have the paperwork. We’re not gonna put you in an oven, we’re not gonna beat the shit out of you, we’re just gonna transport you back. What’s the problem with that? Teresa also talks about Sandra Bullock adopting a baby, surprised that she was able to keep it a secret for so long during the Oscars and the Jessie James scandal. They also talk about the hot-button topic of interracial adoption, but Adam says, "let’s leave the race alone for a while. She’s donated a lot, she wants to adopt a child, shut the fuck up. Don’t we have bigger problems than this?" After a round of Totally Topical TiVo Trivia, the gang discusses the David Boreanaz cheating scandal. Ultimately Adam concludes that a woman will never forgive you for it, you just have to move on. Evan and Gregg Spiridellis of JibJab.com enter the studio. Adam finds out how they went from their beginnings making viral videos like This Land is Your Land to becoming an internet sensation. They say they got their beginnings sending videos to friends, and ultimately benefitted by expanding their business to items like eCards. The whole group gets into a discussion about Twitter, and how perhaps Tweeting too much can take the sheen off your rock star status. Adam says that he doesn’t need to know that Nikki Sixx is having the same problems killing moths as he does. Another news story involves Lindsay Lohan playing porn star Linda Lovelace in the upcoming biopic. Adam jokes that Geraldo Rivera will be playing Harry Reems. Teresa also mentions the recent drug troubles that Michael Douglas’ son has been going through, and a final news story about obese children being teased by their peers. To wrap up, Evan and Gregg explain a brand new series of JibJab e-cards related to Star Wars, where you can upload photos and cast yourself as a character for two-minute funny retellings of the movie. Adam thanks our sponsor again, and signs off.

May 4, 2010

On today's podcast Adam and director Darren Bousman discuss film ratings, Tara Reid, the special effects used in his movies and his upcoming remake of the 80's horror film Mothers Day.

May 3, 2010

The stars of the AMC's Breaking Bad, Bryan Cranston and Dean Norris, stop into the podcast studio to talk with Adam about their show, food poisoning, and Adam's appearance on The Marriage Ref.

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