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The Adam Carolla Show

Welcome to the Adam Carolla Podcast! The new home for the rantings and ravings of Adam Carolla, and with Bald Bryan on sound effects. Check it out Adam hangs out with some his pals, like: Larry Miller, David Allen Grier, Dr. Drew Pinksy, Dana Gould, Doug Benson, and many, many more.
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Now displaying: May, 2010

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May 30, 2010

Adam welcomes Frances Callier and Angela Shelton to the studio, the comedy duo also known as Frangela. They regularly appear on VH1’s Best Week Ever, and Adam marvels at their ability to work together. He says, ‘Comedians hate other comedians. Women hate bitches. Women of color may hate each other even more.’ They say they’re friends first, ‘thick as thieves.’ They met in Second City, Chicago, an area well known for improv. To sum it up nicely, Frances says, ‘Nothing is more painful than bad improv.’ They talk about people who preplan their improv and deny every offer given to them. Adam calls it ‘comedy polio’ and compares it to having a shitty dance partner. Adam starts talking in ‘Sassy Urban,’ and soon they start talking about the 1970s classic show ‘What’s Happening!!’ Adam dissects each character and laughs about the cameo The Doobie Brothers make in season 4. Adam mentions previous guest Michael Jai White, and the girls laugh about their ‘very urban’ crushes on Billy Joel and Bob Newhart. Francis and Angela go through their early experiences being separated and trying to make it in LA. Adam compares it to living with Donny, and he flashes back to his battlecry of ‘clean or leave’ to any ladies staying in their apartment. It reminds him of his days working at McDonalds, working his ass off in leather shoes and burning the BigMac buns. Soon the conversation moves to a discussion of a utopian world with one globe and no borders. Adam says we need to stop shipping food to Africa and start sending condoms instead. He also says, ‘we’re way too into the sanctity of life,’ and decides we should ‘bulldoze all those assholes’ that are stopping us from creating a world where ‘everyone takes care of their own shit.’ They talk about the people who don’t do such a great job raising their kids, and he ties it into the Menendez Brothers case. All the talk about intra-family murder reminds him of the Mafia and the John Goti crime syndicate, and the conversation wraps up nicely while discussing the idea of wanting to be famous and ‘being a fame whore for any reason.’ Adam explains how ten years ago you wouldn’t go on Oprah to announce something that will bring you shame. ‘Now we embrace it, I don’t get it.’ You can catch Francis Callier’s voice every week on The Cleveland Show, or also both Francis and Angela via podcast on ‘The Week According to Frangela’. Check out their website: Frangela.com Produced: Beth Einhorn Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Logan Moy Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 28, 2010

Adam welcomes the stars of youtube sensation Schmoes Know to the podcast. The guys are here to talk about summer blockbusters, and Adam immediately jumps into fake enthusiasm for the release of Marmaduke. He tells a hilarious story about getting Sonny to recognize Owen Wilson’s voice in a commercial, and Adam makes some predictions about various scenes that will likely appear in the movie. The Shmoes Know guys say they review a lot of movies based on viewer choice, in addition to all the major releases. They’ve also started reviewing trailers, and you can check all the videos out at youtube.com/schmoesknow. They say the trailer for MacGruber is actually pretty decent (The R-Rated trailer at least), and Adam admits it’s a good genre the skewer. They also get into a discussion comparing Pixar films to Dreamworks animation, and Adam goes on a side jag about popcorn-proof 3D glasses. Adam says, ‘we have to make a distinction between movies you need to see in the theater, and movies you don’t need to see in the theaters.’ Shmoes Know says that they’re sure to tell viewers to rush out and see certain movies. Something like Iron Man 2 or How To Train Your Dragon, you definitely want to experience in the cinema. They also speak a little bit more about trailers, and Adam warns that trailers where they don’t actually show footage from the film ‘is a marker for ‘this movie sucks.’’ Unfortunately someone in the group has not seen Showgirls, and so Adam recreates one of the more controversial scenes in the film. He does all of this with the visual of Yanni acting in the scene, and the guys go on a tangent about needing a Mustache hall of fame. Adam spends some time defending the new Sex and the City movie, however he says the latest Indiana Jones had no excuse. The guys also talk about the new Karate Kid, and Adam makes a claim that Will Smith and his family are taking all the good white roles. They speak about comic book movies, the terrible new Ashton Kutcher movie, and why he thinks Katherine Hiegel is on the exact same career trajectory as Kate Hudson. In the end, they say that it all ‘keeps coming down to right director, right writing.’ They wrap up by excitedly talking about the new Stallone movie, The Expendables. Adam says that, as a writer, Stallone is terrible. ‘His dialogue is out of a bad textbook—‘I don’t know who to trust anymore’ ‘I used to know you’… if you saw it on a page, you’d say ‘wow this is really shitty.’’ The Shmoes Know guys say they don’t care about the dialogue, just the explosions. Check out more Shmoes Knows reviews at: www.Youtube.com/schmoesknow www.Facebook.com/schmoesknow

May 27, 2010

Adam welcomes CEO of Watchmojo.com Ashkan Karbasfrooshan to the show, calling in via Skype from Montreal, Canada. He describes his website as being like about.com, but in video format—the site has almost 6,000 short form videos on every topic imaginary. ‘You name it, we probably have a video on it’. Adam and Ash discuss how more and more consumers are switching to the internet, and that there’s actually been a threefold growth in the last 18 months to prove this. Adam marvels how you used to go into the other room if you needed to check something on the internet, but now that everything is being combined, we’re sort of right on the border of not having to leave the room anymore. Adam says ‘we’re really gonna kick into high gear over the next five years I imagine.’ Ash breaks everything down to a dichotomy between those who embrace the new media and those who don’t. Adam also talks about the ability to fast forward through commercials, and so advertisers need to find a way to incorporate their products directly into the show. He also says that advertisers have to have more compelling ads. He points out that he stopped for a Dos Equis commercial because he genuinely likes those ads. Ash says, ‘you can’t really rationalize advertising,’ and gives Vanity Fair as an example since they seem to survive solely on social relevance. It reminds Adam of seeing magazines at the hair salon, and he complains that they never have magazines for guys. ‘Don’t dudes get their haircuts??’ Adam asks Ash about Montreal and he says it’s a great city like San Francisco, and very European. He says in general that people are not quite as business oriented in Montreal as they are in the US, and Adam wants to know more about why they aren’t as motivated. Ash mentions Canada’s smaller population and says that it’s ‘in your DNA in the States to compete.’ Adam agrees, saying ‘everybody in the United States is a hustler,’ but he doesn’t mean it in a bad way. Ash says that on average, if you took 100 of each culture, Canadians are not going to be hustlers the way Americans are—again, not in a bad way. He talks about selling his first company to Newscorp, and now that watchmojo.com is taking off, Canadian companies are worried that he’ll go with an American company again. Whenever he asks them what they have to offer, they say nothing. Adam invites Ash to come visit in person next time he comes to LA, but in the meantime definitely check out watchmojo.com. Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Katie Levine Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 26, 2010

Adam opens with the show with a rant against airlines and airport security. Traveling around to do live shows, Adam was plagued with misplaced luggage, occupied storage space, and not being able to break in the terminal when he wanted to. Adam wants to know what’s with all the ‘unprovoked cuntiness’ from the people who work the airlines, and Teresa surmises that ‘people who are attracted to those jobs aren’t that nice to begin with.’ Jumping into the first news story, a woman in her 20s went to court wearing an inappropriate shirt and was held in contempt of court. Adam points out that you can do what you want in the privacy of your own home, but ‘you affect other people by what you wear [in public].’ Adam says he wants a dress code for an airline, just as they do at restaurants and clubs. This reminds him of a story where Donny got busted wearing jeans to the Magic Castle. Other news stories include revelations about the hormonal impact beautiful women have around men, and also how Adam’s joke movie idea of ‘Pedif Isle’ could become a reality. Douglas Hughes is running for CA governor, and has suggested we move all convicted sex offenders to an island off the coast. Adam says, ‘we should spread this out to other offenders, like Car Jackers Island.’ All the pedophile talk reminds Teresa of the time she was almost molested as a child. Comedian Kyle Kinane steps in, here to promote his new CD, ‘Death of the Party,’ and also to announce his first headlining weekend in Georgia this weekend. The whole group agrees that comedy clubs need to come up with names that are not embarrassing for the comedian to say. ‘At least treat what we do with respect.’ Teresa jumps right back into the news to talk about Jesse James, and everyone discusses the validity of sex addiction. Tila Tequila has signed up for Celebrity Rehab, and Adam says he strongly dislikes the hair streaks and tattoos she has. He says, ‘[Tila] falls into the new breed of woman that adorns the pages of these Japanese tuner car magazines. I don’t know what the race is, but it’s a sort of Eurasian thing.’ Kyle jumps in-- ‘It’s like a slutty clown, you really couldn’t look more unnatural and unreal.’ They all agree that the look doesn’t feel sexual, it feels aggressive. The final news stories deal with the passing of Brittany Murphy’s husband, and also a hit-and-run accident at USC. After Adam’s daughter Natalia makes a guest appearance, the group talks about how Simon Cowell was rated the most powerful person in reality TV. Adam doesn’t get why what he does is so special, as anybody can do his job. He says to Teresa, ‘Nobody judges like me. I’m judging the way you just said ‘you never stop judging.’’ Finally they all cringe that Paula Abdul is returning to the air as another Reality TV judge. Kyle Kinane’s CD can be purchased at Amazon or iTunes, and he can be reached at: Kylekinane.com Twitter.com/kylekinane Or search for his name on Facebook. Tour dates include: May 28-30 @ Funny Farm, in Roswell Georgia. June 1 @ Hollywood Improv, June 6 @ Comedy Store in Hollywood Teresa’s site: Exploitingmybaby.com And Friday’s Parent Experiment podcast will feature Adam Carolla! Bald Bryan asks you to check out his podcast, The Film Vault. This week: Top 5 Sex Scenes Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Logan Moy Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 25, 2010

Band members Scott Weiland, Robert DeLeo, Dean DeLeo, and Eric Kretz are back as Stone Temple Pilots releases a self-titled album today (May 25th). Adam asks them what brought them all back together, and it seems an opportunity to play at the Coachella music festival is what re-sparked the flame. Unfortunately they had touring conflicts, and so Paul McCartney filled in instead. They give more background on how the band came together, and when they finally started playing music 1988, it was evident they had something very special. They started touring around California, and by 91 they were in a recording studio. They said their big break was in 92, but just before recording their first album they heard a demo cassette of Nirvana’s first album, and it blew their minds. They were concerned their career may have been over before it even began. When they released their first music video, the credits were not in the lower left corner as they typically are. They also began their tours by opening for Megadeath, and apparently the crowd was not too happy to hear them play. When the song Plush came out, people finally started coming out to see their shows. Adam asks them more about their lives on the road, and if it’s good material for writing songs. Of course it’s ripe for material, and they also joke about other cliché rock songs that appear on most albums. They mention that this is their 6th album together as STP, and that there are really no side projects either. Adam asks if they can tell which songs are going to be hits, but they point out sometimes the record label chooses the singles for them. Wrapping up the conversation, they talk about the origin of the band name, and also explain that at one point they were signed as Mighty Joe Young but had to change the name. They talk about getting back in the studio after all these years and that ‘pretty much everyone was just tired of [playing the greatest hits over and over again]. You don’t want to feel like you’re punching the timeclock to get on stage […] The only way to avoid it is to write a new record.’ Of course all throughout the podcast you can hear samples of several tracks off their new self titled album; and as Adam states, the band is back in full form. Check out their new album, available today (May 25th), or visit their website for more information: www.stonetemplepilots.com Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Donny Misraje Build and Edit: Donny Misraje Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 24, 2010

Actress and friend Sarah Silverman is on to promote her new book, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee. Be sure to visit our sponsors at audible.com, and you can purchase of the copy of the audiobook, as read by the author herself. Both Sarah and Adam grew up as bed wetters, and they share their humiliating stories of having to deal with the shame. Adam is reminded of all the shame he felt as a child. When he broke his friend’s cheapo badminton equipment, he was too intimidated by the scary dad to say anything. Similarly, he recalls always under-ordering when someone would take him out for fast food. He and Sarah agree that the kids who were raised by intimidating parents have grown up to raise their kids to be to be pussies. Inevitably those children will grow up and raise their kids to be intimidating and the whole cycle starts over again. They jump back into more bedwetting stories, and Sarah explains how her parents would walk her in the middle of the night and even splash water on her face to wake her up. It reminds Adam of peeing in the sink, and more specifically of the time that Bobcat Goldthwait approached him on a commercial set and told him he named his cat Adam Carolla because he’s a sink peer as well. Adam talks about his upcoming book, and wants to know what the recording process was like. Sarah says it’s less painful than you’d think, but still took 5 sessions of 4 hours each. She asks Adam if he thinks he’ll be reading his own book the way that she did, and he says he’d probably have to, otherwise the reader will fuck up all his jokes. Sarah has a brilliant idea: Have Patrick Stewart read for you! Sarah starts talking about how grown women behave badly on reality TV. Adam says that at least when you see two guys fighting in the octagon, they hug each other at the end of the match. Sarah says there is ‘women on women crime,’ and that they don’t help each other out, which is really weird. Adam points out that reality TV programming is based on envy or disgust. ‘All TV is, is really, ‘Don’t you wanna be this?’ or ‘Aren’t you glad you’re not that?’’ And speaking of television, Sarah Silverman’s show was recently cancelled. She’s fine with it, they’re ready to move on, and Adam points out ‘Part of the great thing about our job is getting to do something new all the time.’ The two commiserate over TV advertising departments, and Adam points out a specific example of an ad campaign for The Jimmy Kimmel show that everyone EXCEPT Jimmy got to approve. They take a listener call, who asks them what they think of therapists. Sarah claims to have found a great therapist, and says that she likes him because he loves what he does, and he’s interested in people and relationships. She offers some of the better advice she’s heard, which is to not stress about future things that haven’t happened yet. Sarah says, ‘I’m paraphrasing something Jesus said, but if you don’t deal with your shit, it’s gonna come out in fucked up ways.’ Adam’s therapy theory: even if you have a mediocre therapist, just the fact that you’re going is a good thing. Grab a copy of Sarah’s book at any bookstore, or off amazon.com. Or better yet, visit our sponsors at audible.com and have her read it to you! Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Katie Levine Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 21, 2010

Adam introduces Steel Panther band members Michael Starr, Satchel, Lexxi Foxxx, and Stix Zadinia. They all have a laugh over names with double entendres, and Adam says his new favorite is Harry Seward. He actually had someone page that name at the airport. Adam remembers seeing the band when they were known as Atomic Punks, a Van Halen tribute band. In fact, the band broke up at one point and eventually reformed as Steel Panther. The reason for the split? One of the members broke one of the two main band rules: no sleeping with the other guy’s girlfriends (the other rule? No pooping on the tour bus.). Now reformed as Steel Panther, their latest record is called Feel the Steel. Some of their influences include Cinderella, Motley Crue, Ratt, and Van Halen. Adam points out that if you’re in a tribute band, you have to technically be better than the original band because you’re not afforded the same leeway that they are. Steel Panther wants to know what Adam considers to be the key difference between Tribute Bands and Cover Bands. Adam says that cover bands cover a multitude of songs, but with tribute bands, you know up front the type of music you’re going to hear. They discuss various tribute band names, like Tall and Oates, or Small and Oates, and they also say that AC/DC has the most cover bands of any other band. Ultimately the band concludes, ‘You can call us whatever you want, as long as you give us money.’ Adam says that Hall and Oates have a lot of shitty songs, and that Steve Miller is ‘wildly overrated.’ He points out that if you take singers who you hate and realize that they have good songs, odds are they were written by other people. Steel Panther has a lot of experience dealing with singers who can’t sing, and so they go into a long riff talking about the various celebrities, athletes and rock stars who have joined them onstage. Soon enough they bring the live show to the podcast by busting out the acoustic guitar. They jump into an impromptu singing of Lick It Up by KISS, and they also perform a hilarious ‘unplugged’ version of their song Girl From Oklahoma. The guys continue riffing on pop and rock stars from all different eras. Adam points out that CC Deville ‘looks like a Jewish woman from Long Island going through menopause,’ and the band says that Ashlee Simpson was the most difficult person to get up on stage because it was right after the infamous SNL lip-synching debacle. On the positive side, the band says Pink is real deal, as is Chester Bennington of Linkin Park fame. Finally the guys talk about bubblegum pop hotties like Ke$ha and Avril Lavigne, who Adam wants to bang mostly to wipe the smug smile off her face. Adam invites everyone to see Steel Panther live. ‘It’s more than just a show, it’s an experience.’ Upcoming tour dates include stops in Texas, Las Vegas and San Diego, but be sure to visit www.steelpantherrocks.com to get the full schedule. Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Gary Smith Build and Edit: Logan Moy Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 20, 2010

Adam welcomes writer/producer and creator of the hit HBO series Rome, William MacDonald. Just before starting the podcast, William was telling Adam about his P-51 Mustang, one of his favorite planes. It reminds Adam of the time he met Tom Cruise at one of Jimmy’s football gatherings, who owns and flies the same model plane (only tandem). Adam says ‘the greatest celebrity freakout of all time would be if Tom Cruise just started strafing Hollywood and Santa Monica blvd; loaded up the 50mm and just went nuts […] I don’t think any celebrity could ever outdo that.’ At one point William was engaged to Sharon Stone, and they both discuss her unique personality. This reminds Adam of other notoriously hard to work with actors like Val Kilmer and also Gary Busey. William says he had no problems with Val on the set of The Saint (which he produced), but Gary would often have to switch hotels because he was so intense. Adam and William begin talking about how Rome is being turned into a movie, and The Saint is being brought back as a new television series. Adam wants to know how these HBO shows with their huge budgets actually make their money back. William says, ‘It’s event programming to induce subscribers.’ He goes onto explain (summarized): ‘People will drop HBO for a period of time, but will resign up for a specific show. Band of Brothers, Deadwood, Rome, you’ll see a big spike in the viewer subscriptions, and then it will taper off at the series finale. And then the great profits come from DVDs and boxed sets.’ Adam unveils a surprising fascination with the Sex and the City series and movies, but afterward he wants to know how accurate the series Rome is. William says at one point he described it as the Sergio Leone version of Rome. You can’t exactly say everything is accurate since we weren’t actually there, but instead the series focuses on authenticity. Most of the daily rituals they portray are exactly as they were, and they go into a deep conversation about the importance of Roman aqueducts (‘manipulation of water was the key to their power’), advanced surgical methods, and the danger of parasites. It reminds Adam of the island campaign in the HBO miniseries The Pacific. William says his dad was actually a combat surgeon on Iwo Jima, and they talk a little bit about the controversy surrounding POWs and internment camps. This morphs into a larger commentary about the atomic bomb, The Rape of Nanking, and essentially how as a country we have done some things that may not be looked at in the best light, but surely it’s not as terrible as other countries atrocities. Bringing the discussion to more contemporary issues, they also talk about the Arizona border issue and waterboarding. Adam is sick of all the whiners and asks, ‘What’s the plan? You can’t just shit on everyone else’s plan.’ To end the podcast, Adam takes a couple listener calls regarding movie questions. First, Adam rips into the new Queen Latifah film Just Wright, saying ‘This looks like a concept and a poster that would be on a wall in a movie where you were making fun of guys who made movies.’ Then he and William agree that the Oscar selection process has gotten considerably better over the last couple years. William gives Adam permission to call him Bill, and Adam says ‘You gotta see my movie. It’s not an upbeat Rape of Nanking type film, but it’s got its moments.’ To see more of William’s work besides Rome, look for The Saint towards the beginning of next year (probably on TNT). Coming soon after that, a 10-part mini-series about the Carroll Shelby / Enzo Ferrari rivalry. Produced: Donny Misraje Audio Board: Chris Laxamana Search: Katie Levine Build and Edit: Katie Levine Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 19, 2010

After a quick plug for our sponsors over at audible.com, Adam compliments Teresa on her late 60s swingin look today. She’s wearing Daisy Dukes, which reminds her of the news that actress Catherine Bach’s husband recently committed suicide. It reminds Adam of a different story; when Donny approached Catherine at a party to pull a piece of lint off her sweater. He thought maybe they’d start a conversation, but she gave him a ‘what the fuck’ look and turned back around. Talking more about drinking and hogging, Teresa mentions that she likes how Bret Michaels will have sex with just about anyone. Adam explains that while some guys are wired to be attracted to attractive women only, ‘some guys are wired to have sex like they do in the animal kingdom. Like a wildebeest.’ It’s a ‘Pussy First’ mentality, and not important if the woman is attractive, it’s just a matter of ‘who got laid last night? Smell of hands.’ Unfortunately, Adam’s pilot did not get picked up. He says, ‘I now realize there are one or two at the top that are shoo-ins, one or two on the bottom that are dead on arrival, and then there’s like five or six in the middle and I never really thought about the middle part […] That’s where you get burned.’ He goes on to explain (summarized) ‘When I heard that news, I thought good. You can all look forward to a show. Not the Adam Carolla Podcast, but the Adam Carolla Show. We’re going whole hog.’ He also reminds everyone to purchase tickets for the next live show at the El Portel in North Hollywood on June 12th. Teresa mentions the first news story: Charlie Sheen may wind up behind bars for 45 days for his attack against his wife Brooke. Now the attorney’s want to know: can Charlie smoke in prison? Adam says we should put him with the lifers, since second hand smoke kills and they’re on the way out anyway. He also goes on a rant about the ridiculousness of having a bruise on the upper arm considered abuse. Jake Pavelka, of Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars fame, enters the recording studio. After discussing the thrills of dancing in his underwear, Jake also mentions that he is a jet flight instructor. Teresa says she would love to learn how to fly, but Jake compares his job to being a lifeguard. You watch the planes and help out if things go wrong. They talk more about flying and how all the airlines are overregulated. Adam thinks it’s amazing that he can’t bring an unopened Coke can onto the plane, but a huge heavy steel tripod gets by no problem. Teresa says if she had her baby and her bottle, she could not go through with the bottle. Adam wonders, ‘the terrorists have won, right?’ Teresa asks Jake about his romantic life, and he goes on to explain how his heart was broken on The Bachelorette. Adam says ‘I remember liking you because you were a pilot, and you were clean,’ which according to Teresa is why they brought him back for The Bachelor. Jake responds, ‘I thought it was because I cry all the time.’ Adam goes on to suggest that ‘Women don’t want a cry baby, but they don’t want a man who never cries either […] Crying is like the Derringer in the boot.’ After wrapping The Bachelor, Jake says his status with Vienna is going great. They’re looking for wedding dates, and both of their careers are in full swing. The plan is to bounce back and forth between their house in Dallas and their apartment in LA, but Adam also wants to know if he’s been approached for any bootlegged porn opportunities. Jake jokes that actually Larry Flynt left him a message. You can follow Jake on Twitter at: Jakepavelka1, or check out his Facebook page (the one with him in his pilot uniform). Teresa can be heard more on The Parent Experiment, or at exploitingmybaby.com. Bryan is on The Film Vault, and his Twitter is baldbryan. Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Logan Moy Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 18, 2010

Adam welcomes Jay Louis, author of Hot Chicks with Douchebags and creator of the website hotchickswithdouchebags.com. It’s a topic Adam says he has long been obsessed with, and the guys immediately jump into the false claims of women wanting a guy with a sense of humor. Looking at various pictures, they define the douchebag look as ‘I am fucking stupid and wildly confident at the same time.’ Adam wants to know: ‘How did you get so confident when you are so fucking stupid?’ Other telltale signs include barb wire tattoos, or Chinese letter tattoos on the neck. Adam and Jay compare the situation to the war on drugs. The douches are the drugs, chicks are the consumer, and the tattoo is the drug mule. No wall is too high to stop people from getting what they want, and it’s not the tattoo shops that need to be closed down, it’s the women blowing the dudes with the tattoos. Adam wants to know, ‘Where are these guys’ friends?’ He relates a story of wanting to emulate someone he saw wearing black cowboy boots. Adam went out and bought them, but before they could even step outside, his buddy Ray put him in his place and told him not to go out looking like that. A caller wants to know how Jay deals with these idiots all the time. Jay says, ‘Smart people have an obligation to mock stupid people […] It’s easy because I see it as a civic duty.’ They go on to describe another type of douchebag that Adam considers even worse: The artsy hipster douchebag. At least the Jersey Shore douches work out and have good biceps. Hipsterbags, with their vintage clothing and their pouting all the time, aren’t even trying. Adam says that their ‘douchenite’ (a la Kryptonite) is their Senior Picture. ‘If we saw what you looked like in high school, there’s no way you’d be trying to pull off this fuckin look now.’ He knew a guy who, after graduation, turned into Gary Oldman from Dracula. When he saw him at an industry gathering, the Gothbag avoided him at all costs. Jay also remarks that it’s a metamorphosis, and that ‘you don’t get laid unless you pick one of these six ‘bag’ identities.’ Jay says we need to have ‘douche-terventions’ where we set the girls down and explain what’s up.’ Adam asks, ‘What about the women who sit back idly and watch their girlfriends date douchebags? Where’s your voice? This is what happened in Germany in the later 30s.’ A caller asks Adam about his Top Gear pilot, which transitions into Jay talking about the frustrations of having his own pilot picked up. He says ‘VH1 knows what they did,’ and goes on to explain how after he chose to go with MTV to produce his show, before the show could get to air, VH1 ripped it off, making his own show look like the rip off. Agreeing with the aggravation, Adam points out ‘part of it is how good is your show; part of it is how good is your timing.’ Adam encourages Jay to keep the good fight going, and from one non-douche to another thanks him for his time. Be sure to purchase Jay’s book, or visit the website: hotchickswithdouchebags.com Produced: Donny Misraje Audio Board: Chris Laxamana Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Logan Moy Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 17, 2010

Michael Jai White, writer and star of Black Dynamite, visits Adam’s studio today. His film is an homage to 70s Blaxploitation movies, so the guys immediately begin discussing 70s stereotypes and cheesy movie tricks. Adam recalls scenes from The Six Million Dollar Man and says, ‘I shoulda known I was gonna be a comedian when I started complaining about this shit at age 10.’ Michael reveals that for some of the car stunts in his film, they actually took stock footage from Sony pilots that never aired. Eventually Sony bought the movie back, but Michael jokes it’s probably get the rights to their stock footage back. Adam reveals his idea for The Pilot Network. ‘Wouldn’t it be fun to watch everyone’s shitty pilot? […] The networks already spent the money on the show.’ After speaking more about the success of Black Dynamite, both locally and overseas, Adam asks him about Kentucky Fried Movie. He remembers watching it with Donny on VHS over and over again, and they share laughs about their favorite clips from the film. Michael loves ‘Fistful of Yen,’ Adam loves ‘Cleopatra Schwartz.’ Since Michael is now beginning to direct, Adam says ‘You’re gonna be the funny Tyler Perry.’ Adam says he saw Diary Of A Mad Black Woman and thought it was not even good enough for a TV movie. Michael also compares it to a black soap opera, but since he has worked with him, he says Tyler Perry works his ass off. Adam suggests ‘he should take his time and just work on one funny script.’ A caller from Wilmington, North Carolina reminds Adam of the time he was filming Dawson’s Creek while simultaneously working on Love Line. He was absolutely exhausted, and the person who called in was the person who actually had to keep waking him up to drag him to set. Michael says there must be something strange about Wilmington. Steve Buscemi was stabbed there once during a fight, Michael’s entire crew was jumped, and even he got into a fight which he hadn’t done in a long time. Adam remarks that part of the beauty of Black Dynamite is that Michael is unrecognizable in his performance. Michael is glad for this because it allows him to act dramatically in other films without it being distracting. They talk a little bit about the brilliance of Leslie Nielson, who delivered ridiculous lines in his completely self-serious tone. Other comedic inspirations for Michael include John Cleese, Peter Sellers, and early Steve Martin. The last portion of the podcast is dedicated to Michael explaining his rough upbringing, and how he eventually broke into Hollywood. Growing up in Brooklyn, he had to be a ‘closeted Monty Python fan.’ He was a tough guy who got into a lot of fights and grew up fast. Eventually a motivational speaker came to his high school and convinced him to go to college. Even to this day, he goes around returning the favor by being a motivational speaker and teacher himself. Adam relates to having a fractured family, and they go on to speak about the irresponsibility of absentee fathers. Adam asks why people turned on Bill Cosby when he told people to pick up their pants and start raising their kids right. Michael says that as long as some people actually listened and changed, it was worth it even if there was a bit of backlash. To wrap up the convo, Adam offers to hold the focus pads for Michael since he’s a martial arts expert. Also be sure to see Why Did I Get Married Too (now in theaters), and purchase Black Dynamite, now on Bluray and DVD. Produced: Donny Misraje Audio: Katie Levine Search: Logan Moy Build and Edit: Katie Levine Show Summary: Matt Fondiler

May 14, 2010

Rob Hubel and Paul Scheer, best known for their work on Human Giant and Funny or Die, return to the show. Last time they were on they discussed whether or not they thought Michael Jackson was gay, and then a day later he died. They also talk about other celebrities and their sex scandals, and of course they mention Tiger Woods. Apparently one of the ladies that came forward is a stripper who now dances wherever Tiger is playing to capitalize on her fame. Rob and Paul think that in order to make golf more exciting, they should infuse MMA. They imagine a miniature-golf style game where Kimbo Slice stands on the green trying to block the ball and you have to fight your way out of that hole. Adam says ‘you know you have a boring sport when comedians and couch potatoes are making suggestions to make it better. No one says that about hockey and football.’ Speaking of adrenaline packed sports, Paul explains that he recently saw bullfighting at the Garden. He describes it as ‘Two hours of crazy, crazy, crazy action,’ but Adam points out that the ‘Danger-to-Pussy ratio’ for rodeo clowns is pretty awful. They propose rather than fighting world wars, we should just have a ‘Running of the ____’ where you fill in the blank with whatever group you need to hash things out with. Adam recalls a story of entering a pie eating contest. He explains that he was poor and hungry so he signed up senior year for an eating competition. He didn’t actually participate in the contest, instead he just waited for everyone to finish eating, then he tried to take his full pie, grab a glass of milk, and enjoy it at a leisurely pace. Of course the teacher screamed and yelled at him for it. The guys wonder how the people who participate in an actual eating contest, and how it affects your body. How do you train for that? Paul answers by asking ‘how does a girl train for a gangbang?’ After much discussion about the intricacies of the rules, Adam declares ‘We’re all super intelligent, highly educated individuals, and yet, we have no answers. Do you have to bust a nut? Can you get a blowjob? Can a guy double up and come back twice? What about the gorilla masks? The point is this: we don’t know. Gentlemen, the reason we’re having this conversation is the reason we need a sanctioning body.’ After taking a couple phone calls, they begin talking about how all the major comedians they know are nice guys. Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Ben Stiller… they say all of these guys were self-deprecating, and so they know what it’s like to be a normal person. Someone like Justin Bieber has girls trampling all over each other just to be with him. ‘How can you be humble?’ Adam points out that usually it’s the entourage surrounding the star that is worse. He tells another quick story about doing work on Katey Sagal’s house and having her assistants blow everything out of proportion. They compare the situation to Kim Jong Il, who is surrounded by people commending his every move. They wonder what sort of grizzly things Kim Jong-Il’s slaves must do for him, and Adam wagers you can tell the state of a country and how evil its dictator is based on how many posters they have of their leader up. Since at the top of the show they determined they are partially responsible for Michael Jackson’s death by talking about him, Adam wonders which star they talked about today might get burned. If Bieber gets killed by a bull or dies in a bukkake incident they’ll feel very guilty. Eventually they start questioning whether or not Richard Dawson is alive or dead. He’s still alive, but Adam says he could be next. Keep your eyes peeled for Paul Scheer on The League, coming back this fall to FX. Rob Huebel will be on Childrens’ Hospital on Adult Swim this summer and Funny or Die Presents on HBO. And reach either of them via Twitter: @PaulScheer and @RobHuebel.

May 13, 2010

Meghan Daum is the author of ‘Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived In That House,’ a new memoir about real estate addiction and her struggles to find her dream home. She and Adam were first acquainted several years ago, after she wrote what Adam considers to be the nicest opinion piece anyone has ever written about him. Later she will read the column, as she brought it with her. Both Meghan and Adam are self-proclaimed Houseaholics. Adam tells a story about potentially trying to by Madonna’s old house, even though he knew the price was way out of his price range. He walked around the place, trying to figure out how to get $7 million and how he could stall to make sure he’d get the property. Eventually he realized just how wildly expensive it was, and truthfully he wasn’t even going to live there. The idea was just to get it, rent it, and get half the mortgage back. Meghan’s husband works for the LA Times, which she says is ‘bankrupt, but chugging along.’ Adam wants to know if it’s going to be like the Hollywood sign, or if as a society we’ll just let it die out. Meghan corrects Adam saying the Hollywood sign itself has never had a problem, but Adam clarifies and says they were gonna build houses around it, which people were not happy about. The situation reminds him of the Beachwood Canyon area, where people wanted to build a curb and fountain leading up to the corner store. It was a huge controversy, but Adam doesn’t understand why we give a shit about these things when nothing ever happens. After explaining his desire to constantly fix things, Adam tells the story of his grandfather’s grand piano, which at one point had roofing tar dripped on the side. The piano ended up at his sister’s house, and after still seeing the tar dried on the side, Adam took a hair dryer and butter knife and finally scraped it off. He points out that it’d been on there for 50 years, and it took him 4.5 minutes to fix. Meghan goes into more detail about her housing pet peeves, more specifically bad flooring. Adam invites her to his house to look at his floors, and Meghan jokes she’s already camped outside his front yard. Adam says that in general if you want something done correctly, you need to ask questions. He compares the situation to wanting a leather punching bag with a water bladder inside. Apparently they don’t make those, but Adam was able to make his own custom designed one by taking pieces from two separate bags. Before Meghan reads back the opinion piece she wrote on him, Adam says he never reads. He explains, ‘Not reading other people’s ideas has freed me up to create my own ideas […] I feel like their ideas pollute my ideas, I don’t wanna know what they’re thinking.’ Meghan reads the article, which bills Adam as an American genius. They also talk more about remodeling houses and designing them in a way that doesn’t make them look totally trendy for a brief moment. They go into a side conversation about politics and lying. Wrapping up the show, Adam reminds Meghan to come by the house and see the floors, and Meghan is understandably thrilled to check them out. Be sure to purchase her new book, ‘Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived In That House.’ Audio Board- Katie Levine Build and Edit- Logan Moy Search computer- Chris Laxamana Produced- Donny Misraje

May 12, 2010

Bald Bryan is stepping in for Teresa to handle the news today. But before they jump into the first story, Bryan relays a story about how in order to be up to code for a building inspection later in the day, his absentee landlord had painters arrive at 7 in the morning. In their hurry to get the job done, the paint dried, thus sealing all of Bryan’s windows shut. They were back at 7:03 pounding on the door with a chisel to loosen to the paint but Bryan screamed at them to come back later in the morning. Adam says ‘you have to realize that especially in LA, painters don’t really have to know their business.’ Bryan says, ‘You think I was barking those orders in English?’ Jumping into the news, the Maxim Hot 100 is out now, and topping the list is pop star Katy Perry. Adam says, ‘Katy Perry has a nice body and a face that’s fine, but not model fine. [She’s] good from certain angles.’ This reminds Adam of the Proactive commercial she is a part of, as was his Dancing with the Stars partner Julianne Hough. Adam says that all of those acne commercials need to give us a heads up before the ‘before’ shot because it’s disgusting. Rounding out the top 3 is Brooklyn Decker at #2, and Zoe Saldana at #3. Adam disagrees with this one: ‘She’s too blue, and too skinny. Like my balls.’ Scarlett Johansson is also on the list, reminding them of Iron Man 2. Adam likes that Robert Downey has brought some humanity to the action movie, ‘but they kinda did what they do in all sequels, which is if one iron man is good, then a thousand would be better.’ He goes on to say (summarized): ‘It’s the same mistake that teenage boys make with fucking. Which is, ‘faster, harder, she’s gonna love it!’ Chicks don’t like it… what I’m saying is a little more foreplay, be secure, let it breathe a little bit.’ Other people on the Hot 100 list include Jordana Brewster from Fast and Furious, and Anna Paquin of True Blood. Adam says ‘Anna Paquin started off as a fine specimen, but as an adult, somehow the pieces didn’t come together.’ They also decide (summarized) ‘if you have an A cup and a skinny ass, you can’t be hot. There needs to be some basic criteria, just like there is for guys.’ Bryan says Playboy readers will get a 3D centerfold in the June edition, to which Adam asks ‘they are jumping the shark now, right?’ They also discuss the NASCAR Hall of Fame opening in Charlotte, the 50th Anniversary of ‘The Pill’, and the recent appointment of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court. Adam says ‘she looks like she was beat with a menorah.’ The Weez steps in to play a round of ‘Blah Blah Blog,’ where the guys try to see if they can guess the celebrity who wrote the blog based on their inane ramblings. Bryan dominates 4 for 4, though Donny beats Adam by one in the final round. To wrap up the show, Adam takes a call from a listener ensuring everyone that the podcast will continue even if his pilot’s picked up, and a second caller asks Adam his opinion of Jack Black. Adam and Bryan compare him to Alec Baldwin, saying that both men are more comfortable in supporting roles. Ultimately Adam concludes that ‘Jack Black is not a comedian, he’s a talent. He does a lot of interesting things, makes a lot of interesting choices. But I see him more as a personality.’ Be sure to check out Bryan’s new podcast, ‘The Film Vault,’ now available on iTunes as part of the Ace Broadcasting Network.

May 12, 2010

Bald Bryan is stepping in for Teresa to handle the news today. But before they jump into the first story, Bryan relays a story about how in order to be up to code for a building inspection later in the day, his absentee landlord had painters arrive at 7 in the morning. In their hurry to get the job done, the paint dried, thus sealing all of Bryan’s windows shut. They were back at 7:03 pounding on the door with a chisel to loosen to the paint but Bryan screamed at them to come back later in the morning. Adam says ‘you have to realize that especially in LA, painters don’t really have to know their business.’ Bryan says, ‘You think I was barking those orders in English?’ Jumping into the news, the Maxim Hot 100 is out now, and topping the list is pop star Katy Perry. Adam says, ‘Katy Perry has a nice body and a face that’s fine, but not model fine. [She’s] good from certain angles.’ This reminds Adam of the Proactive commercial she is a part of, as was his Dancing with the Stars partner Julianne Hough. Adam says that all of those acne commercials need to give us a heads up before the ‘before’ shot because it’s disgusting. Rounding out the top 3 is Brooklyn Decker at #2, and Zoe Saldana at #3. Adam disagrees with this one: ‘She’s too blue, and too skinny. Like my balls.’ Scarlett Johansson is also on the list, reminding them of Iron Man 2. Adam likes that Robert Downey has brought some humanity to the action movie, ‘but they kinda did what they do in all sequels, which is if one iron man is good, then a thousand would be better.’ He goes on to say (summarized): ‘It’s the same mistake that teenage boys make with fucking. Which is, ‘faster, harder, she’s gonna love it!’ Chicks don’t like it… what I’m saying is a little more foreplay, be secure, let it breathe a little bit.’ Other people on the Hot 100 list include Jordana Brewster from Fast and Furious, and Anna Paquin of True Blood. Adam says ‘Anna Paquin started off as a fine specimen, but as an adult, somehow the pieces didn’t come together.’ They also decide (summarized) ‘if you have an A cup and a skinny ass, you can’t be hot. There needs to be some basic criteria, just like there is for guys.’ Bryan says Playboy readers will get a 3D centerfold in the June edition, to which Adam asks ‘they are jumping the shark now, right?’ They also discuss the NASCAR Hall of Fame opening in Charlotte, the 50th Anniversary of ‘The Pill’, and the recent appointment of Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court. Adam says ‘she looks like she was beat with a menorah.’ The Weez steps in to play a round of ‘Blah Blah Blog,’ where the guys try to see if they can guess the celebrity who wrote the blog based on their inane ramblings. Bryan dominates 4 for 4, though Donny beats Adam by one in the final round. To wrap up the show, Adam takes a call from a listener ensuring everyone that the podcast will continue even if his pilot’s picked up, and a second caller asks Adam his opinion of Jack Black. Adam and Bryan compare him to Alec Baldwin, saying that both men are more comfortable in supporting roles. Ultimately Adam concludes that ‘Jack Black is not a comedian, he’s a talent. He does a lot of interesting things, makes a lot of interesting choices. But I see him more as a personality.’ Be sure to check out Bryan’s new podcast, ‘The Film Vault,’ now available on iTunes as part of the Ace Broadcasting Network.

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